I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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