All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize