I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's never too late to be topless.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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