Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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