I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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