Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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