I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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