I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
