Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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