We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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