i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
