so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
not ubering you a puppy
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