smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
