there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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