she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
