Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
