All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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