I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
