he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
