never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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