i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
