i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
two words: eviction party
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
