Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize