I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
