I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
