I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
