I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
