I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
