a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
