I want to make a zoo with you.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Your penis caused this!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
