I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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