I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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