8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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