My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
