So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize