just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
