I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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