Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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