so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Dicks are not precious.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
