I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
