they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
