Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
