we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
