mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
