Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
