Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
