i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
