wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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