Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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