Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize