im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
