listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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