Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
