I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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