THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
