I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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