I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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