I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
