you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
