I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
