She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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