i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
