Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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