Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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