i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
