I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
