bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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