i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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