My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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