I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
