I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
