but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
