i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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