If i come over, it means nothing
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
