I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I supernannyed him into submission
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
