He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
