one might say we're banned from that church
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
