Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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