Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
