I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
