i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
