Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
