thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
