My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
