I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i now understand why vodka
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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