I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
