sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
