I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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