I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
