i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
