He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
