You're my little dorito
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
