just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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